Choices

I am the agent of change
I am a victim of change
God or Goddess
Within me?
My divinity I cannot see
My mind is unclean
Let go of your burden he says
Trust your heart he reads
But I am flawed
My heart died
My soul cries
My mind writhes
My body is rendered a hollow shell
Why?
I’m so lost
Cannot see the flowers
For the weeds
I do not have the strength to plead
What I deserve I will receive
Am I condemned by my humanity?
Every step I take is on unsteady ground
It disintegrates beneath me
Did I will myself into this life?
I have chosen every path that brought me here
Is there no such thing as destiny?
Meant to be?
No one and nothing else to blame
Without change it all remains the same
But change I fear
It cannot be tamed
Once dropped
A feather is at the will of the wind
Not free…
No certainty…
The wind does not speak to me
But in the end
When all is said and done
All that is left,
My only reality,
Is me…
I can choose to make the best
Of Heaven or Hell
I know where I am
Stuck atop a mountain in the dark
What I do not know
Is where the next step leads
To the thorns of the thicket?
Or to the life giving stream?

~Jennifer Rapier-Milne