Simple?

Nothing is ever simple is it?

Well, not the important things…

I could really use an atlas right now,

Because I’m confused

And the only direction

I can seem to accurately go in

Is south

All I can accomplish

Are more questions,

And a paralysis

Born out of a fear

Of the unknown…

I’ve succumbed to the

Stagnation of inaction

Sitting here,

Quietly hoping that

The universe will

Sort everything out

While I try to

Remain neutral. 

But, the one thing I’m certain of,

Is that it doesn’t work this way

Perplexed are the people around me

Why do they care?

Sitting back watching this

Magnificent parade of disaster

Is it really that interesting?

My silence drives them mad

But when I speak,

My words become a circus

I feel like I’m being ripped apart in a feeding frenzy

Everyone seems to

Know what I need

Better than I…

Everyone seems to

Know my intentions

Better than I…

They know me,

Better than I…

I would challenge

Anyone who thinks they know…

Please…be my guest

Grant me an expert analysis…

Look beyond my hazel eyes

Into this glorious

Kaleidoscope of grays…

Refractions of fractures…

Judge me if

You are self-righteous enough

To do so

I’m not perfect

Go ahead and remind me…

Again.

Why is it,

That when you need someone the most,

You find yourself alone?

I’m not willing to cry,

Because I know there is no one

To provide a trustworthy shoulder,

I have been there

As often as I could

For anyone in need,

Yet the assumptions and judgment

Have made me feel isolated

I finally reached out for a moment

Only to lighten my load

To drop it, and move on

To understand more deeply

To feel better – not to offend

Just to have it come crashing down on me anyway

And I’ll admit, it hurts

Now I would rather rot on the inside than speak.

I would rather stay on my island

Than visit the mainland;

The lynch-mob is waiting

I have been judged and sentenced

Guilty because I would not defend myself

Guilty because I didn’t want to make things worse…

Guilty because I would rather be hurt, than hurt another…

I failed…but I meant well.

Have some faith in me…

Please…

Things are not always as they seem.

~Jennifer Rapier-Milne